I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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