Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
