so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
