i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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