last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's the barista slut.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
