she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
