The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
