Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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