I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The air taste purple.
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