Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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