i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize