My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
