he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
