I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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