You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
