oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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