I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
