After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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