OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
