Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I look better un-naked...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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