help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
