I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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