Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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