areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
