just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
