Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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