don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
