And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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