Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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