He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
