do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
