watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
