...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
