Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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