He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
