On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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