She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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