just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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