how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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