Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
