I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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