Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.