I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.