ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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