Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??