You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you