We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
