somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
