I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
