i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
