Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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