Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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