You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
