You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
