So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize