Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
