After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
