Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
