Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
