hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
