You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
