just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
